11. I knew (POLITICIAN) chances of winning were like the part of the doughnut that goes around the hole - next to nothing!
12. They say the (WINNING CANDIDATE) has so much political influence that when his dentist finished working on his bridge, the governor came out to cut the ribbon.
13. Eventually they all figure it out. That when you continually shave a little off the top, sooner or later you're going to reach bottom.
14. They're conducting new Idol auditions at Pasadena's Rose Bowl. I know one girl who should be a shoo-in. Popular? You'd think she was the last tube of Clearasil at summer camp.
15. Saw one hunk standing in line to audition. He looked so healthy, I bet depressed germs invade his bloodstream to commit suicide!
16. Me, I would never have stood a chance to get on. When I was young, my acne was so bad, I was the only kid on the block whose complexion was constantly changing direction.
17. My brother has opened up a restaurant which is a puzzle to me. That last time I ate his cooking he served baked potato and I didn't know whether to eat it or pull the pin and throw it!
18. He's trying to get a little publicity with his menu. For instance, he doesn't serve a foot-long hot dog but a twenty centimeter weiner.
19. He said he had to do something. His bills were keeping him up at night. So here's a little hint for ya bro, STOP using them to stuff your mattress!
20. My brother just isn't good with business. For instance, how can he put his trust in a bank that has its drive-in window on the fifth floor?